It takes 3 weeks to break a habit and 3 weeks to create a new one. Humans like habits just as much as they like stories. In fact, sometimes we can get into the habit of telling the same old stories over and over again wondering why we are stuck in the same old narrative. It’s only when we dare to change a habit that things change as a result. In fact, the slightest tweak can make all the difference, especially if you’re trying to upgrade your mindset, change your lifestyle or health and wellbeing.
We might cut a few things out for a while but owing to old habits, we slip and have to start the process again. It could be said that habits create an illusion of safety. That’s alright if the habits are healthy but not if they are detrimental to your health and wellbeing. Sometimes, people can break habits and turn their ship around 180 degrees, heal themselves for a bit and then they let the ship drift back to where it started and yes, find themselves in deep trouble again.
I get up in the morning and because of my longstanding love affair with Coffee and the ritual of making it, I go to the kitchen, find my favourite cup and get a thrill every time I hear watery sounds swishing from my Swann coffee machine, knowing it will be delicious and pleasing but frankly, it’s really bad for my body. ‘Why do I do it?’ I ask myself as I contemplate making a different choice.
In my mind, I was still in love with that Italian guy I met and nearly married in 1995 who got me hooked on expresso in the first place! I never married him only his addiction. You see, I have associated Venice, Roma, Padova and romance with the bitter substance that gives me dreadful inflammation and in fact, being around him gave me terrible emotional inflammation if the truth be told. Not a good habit….so… I came off, went back on, off, on, off, on and off again.
My ‘love’ replacement is now organic cacao. It sort of does the trick… it’s not coffee but so much better for me…
This is an example of my own journey of coming out of old emotional addictions and how I found out that my longing to be loved led me to places that were toxic for my mind, body and soul. I can truly say that I feel divinely loved now and have surrendered to however that expresses itself. I am happy, most of the time.
So in the process of observing myself, I have noticed that I am not alone in holding on for dear life instead of letting go and living! Some of you reading this are holding on too! I’m not preaching here. I’ve just noticed when other people repeat the above pattern and know the route out after many failed attempts. What is it?
Well, it’s a habit detox. It is purely habit, training, practice and reforming. Discipline.
- Notice your habits
- Bring your attention to the patterns you are following during the day
- Notice your triggers
- Observe your reactions and responses
- Don’t judge
- Make a list
- Decide to change one thing per day or if that is too much per week. eg: no sugar, wine or bread
- Stick to it
- Resist
- Ask yourself the question ‘what lies beneath this urge?’
It is actually so simple and yet we meet so much of our own resistance, rebelling against ourselves. Procrastinating instead of dealing with the cause.
Perhaps it’s emotional pain? I know mine was. What is yours?
Fear of being:
1.Alone
2.Unloved
3.Dying
4.Not being good enough
etc etc etc
Perhaps you are holding on to the past and life has just slipped through your fingers and 2 decades have passed without your permission?
It’s now or never.
We don’t have to follow the narrative set by a sick society whose goals lead to greed, lust and the desire for more of everything. We can create our own story, not the story of our forefathers and mothers. We can break the chain of pain and repetition through adopting new habits that reshape us into our best selves. It takes persistence, bravery and discipline. All the gifts that the outer world would not value as much as money, power and status.
What is our true inheritance?
Love, honesty, wisdom, compassion, kindness, trust, joy, humour….. these things are the true gold.
When we create good habits – even little ones, tiny adjustments, we can have a huge impact on our lives. Our future is then not based on our past but opens to a healthier present and we know that the now creates both the future and the past.
If you are making changes, stick to them. Resist the resistance. Keep going. You will come out the other side knowing yourself better. 3 weeks consistently….then another 3 to make the neurons re-wire and then you can keep going for another 6 and you will not look back.
Let go of the chains we hold on to and wrap around ourselves to reveal the Divine within.
Make that decision.
See you soon
love
Helen xx
